Shakspeare to Hitler.... Spaceballs to RC Combat

No holds barred. These are getting a lot of reads.... let's see what else we can come up with. People throw out topics or material! Poets and Jokesters, Comedians and such.... prep your info and fire away!

 

HERE IS HOW IT STARTED TO EVOLVE:

CARL'S POST FROM SEPT 26TH IN THE SMACK THREAD:

Tea and Crumpets, HA! You imbuoyant african swallows, I pump in your general direction! Your mother was a lifeboat, and your father smelt of coal-smoke. I dump my bilge at you, you destroyer-sized patchers of other peoples boats! Now go away, or I shall taunt you again!

CRAIG'S INTIAL SHOT AT MONTY PYTHON FOLLOWED THE NEXT DAY:

And now for something completely different:

King Bismarck: How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Yamato: I know not, my liege.
King Bismarck: Consult the International Book of Model Warship Combat!
Brother Tirpitz: International Book of Model Warship Combat, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Musashi: [reading] And Saint Hayes raised the bb cannons up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy bb cannons, that with them thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and balsa wood...
Brother Tirpitz: Skip a bit, Brother...
Musashi: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou load the magazines. Then shalt count out three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, expel your magazines towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.
Brother Tirpitz: Amen.
All: Amen.
King Bismarck: Right. One... two... five.
Graf Spee: Three, sir.
King Bismarck: Three
Nuff Said. I think this would be a great remake

CARL'S POST FROM OCTOBER 2ND:

Once upon a time, in the very earliest days of Model Warship Combat, an unarmed Axis vessel was set upon by a warship from the Allied Nations - home of the fiercest warriors in all the world. This was a fatal mistake for the Allies, of course; they learned the hard way that the reason the Axis had decided to build armed ships no more was because they were so very, very good at it. They nearly overwhelmed the Axis on first contact, but fast as you can say "Bismark" or "Yamato", the seemingly harmless Axis Powers were all over the Allied pigs like ugly on an ape, with battle fleets and strategic thinking that left the Warrior Captains quite dazzled. And thus began the First Season's War.

Now, several decades later, it seems the Allies need another lesson in why it pays to be polite to those crazy people from the Axis Powers. Those war-crazed fuzz-brains from the Allied Nations just won't give up, even though the canny Axis Powers cut through the Allies like bbs through balsa. The ferocious Allies never seemed to come up with a more complicated strategy than "scream and leap". But that was then, and this is now. Now, they are ready. They've filled their CO2 bottles and magazines. They've bench-tested their systems, and (this time) even remembered to remove the pins from their barrels. Victory over the Axis dogs is assured. Assuming, of course, that they remember to plug in their pumps...

 

.....AND THEN THE POST THAT CAUSED THE DEAD PARROT TO SING.... THE MINISTRALS TO SHUT UP AND THE FRENCH TAUNTER TO EFLECT ON HOW TRUELY MEAN AND NASTY AND FRENCH HE WAS AND HE DECIDED TO FORM A NUNERY WITH THE LLAMA *SACK*

THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN MADE RESPONSIBLE FOR WRITING THIS INTRO HAVE BEEN SACKED.... LET'S SEE THE REAL MEAT AND POTATOES, THE HANDS DOWN LLAMA THAT TRUELY LLAMAED THIS ENTIRE CRAZE: (if you don"t get it, go see the movie)

POSTED BY LLAMA CARL ON 08/10 THIS YEAR:

I found the script for Monty Python, and had a little fun. (I'm particularly proud of the Q-ship part) It's to Big Gun rules, but I'm sure you guys will get it:


Tim: Behold the cove of Caer Bannog.
King Bismarck: Right. Keep me covered.
Sir Gneisenau: What with?
King Bismarck: Just keep me covered.
Tim: Too late!
King Bismarck: What?
Tim: There it is!
King Bismarck: Where?
Tim: There!
King Bismarck: What? Behind the transport?
Tim: It *is* the transport!
King Bismarck: You silly sod!
Tim: What?
King Bismarck: You got us all worked up!
Tim: Well, that's no ordinary transport. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered merchant you ever set eyes on!
Sir Strasbourg: You tit! I sprang a leak I was so scared!
Tim: Look, that transport's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!
Sir Gneisenau: Get stuffed!
Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate.
Sir Gneisenau: Oh, yeah?
Sir Strasbourg: You manky Scottish git!
Tim: I'm warning you!
Sir Strasbourg: What's he do? Push you around?
Tim: He's got hidden torpedoes... er... He can turn about... Look at the bubbles!
King Bismarck: Go on, Bretagne. sink him silly!
Sir Bretagne: Right! Silly little bleeder. One transport trophy comin' right up!
Tim: Look!
*cry of pain*
King Bismarck: Jesus Christ!
Tim: I warned you.
Sir Strasbourg: I’ve done it again.
Tim: I warned you. But did you listen to me, oh no, you know it all didn’t you. It’s just a harmless little transport, isn’t it. Well it’s always the same. I always…
King Bismarck: Oh, shut up. Right, Full Speed Ahead!
*sounds of carnage and destruction*
King Bismarck: Run away! Run away!
(repeating Run Away!)
King Bismarck: Right, how many did we lose?
Sir Lancelot: Yamato.
Sir Gneisenau: Fuso.
King Bismarck: And Bretagne. That’s five.
Gneisenau: Three, sir.
King Bismarck: Three. Well, we’d better not risk another frontal assault. That transport’s a Q-ship.
Rookies: A Q-ship! Sink it! Sink it!
Sir Scharnhorst: There are ways of telling whether it is a Q-ship.
Rookie 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.
Sir Scharnhorst: Tell me. What do you do with Q-ships?
Rookie 1: sink them.
Sir Scharnhorst: And what do you sink, apart from Q-ships?
Rookie 1: More Q-ships.
Rookie 2: British Battlecruisers.
Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do British battlecruisers sink?
Rookie 3: ...because they're... Allied?
Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether it is Allied?
Rookie 1: Build a bridge out of it.
Sir Scharnhorst: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Rookie 1: Oh yeah.
Sir Bedevere: Do British battlecruisers sink in water?
Rookie 2: YES!
Rookie 1: No, no, they float!... Then explode... Then SINK! Throw it into the pond!
Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?
Rookie 1: BBs.
Rookie 2: Apples.
Rookie 3: Very small rocks.
Rookie 1: CO2.
Rookie 2: Grease.
Rookie 3: Screwdrivers.
Rookie 1: Mud.
Rookie 2: Weeds.
Rookie 3: Lead! Lead!
King Bismarck: A Duck.
Sir Scharnhorst: ...Exactly. So, logically...
Rookie 1: If it weighed the same as a duck... it's Allied.
Sir Scharnhorst: And therefore...
Rookie 2: ...A Q-ship! SINK IT!
King Bismarck: But how do we sink it?
Sir Strasbourg: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more?
King Bismarck: Oh, shut up and go and change your armor.
Sir Gneisenau: Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake.
King Bismarck: Like what?
Sir Gneisenau: Well... ooh.
Sir Lancelot: Have we got bows?
King Bismarck: No.
Sir Lancelot: We have the Quad Cannon of holiness.
King Bismarck: Yes, of course! The Quad Cannon of holiness! 'Tis one of the
sacred relics Brother Dunkerque carries with him! Brother Dunkerque! Bring up
the The Quad Cannon of holiness!
MONKS: *chanting*
King Bismarck: How does it... um... how does it work?

Sir Yamato: I know not, my liege.

King Bismarck: Consult the Book of Model Warship Combat!

Brother Dunkerque: International Book of Model Warship Combat, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.

Musashi: [reading] And Saint John raised the cannon up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy bb cannon, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and balsa wood...

Brother Dunkerque: Skip a bit, Brother...

Musashi: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou load the magazines. Then shalt count out six, no more, no less. Six shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be six. Eight shalt thou not count, neither count thou four, excepting that thou then proceed to six. Thirty is right out. Once the number six, being the sixth number, be reached, expel your magazines towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Brother Dunkerque: Amen.

All: Amen.

King Bismarck: Right. One... two... eight.

Graf Spee: Six, sir.

King Bismarck: Six.

*BANG*

 

And there you have it...... Amazing. Silly. Nasty. Fun. Pun-filled. Llama. Witty. Humorous.

I hate llamas.... one spit on me......

Anyways, see what you captains and blackhearts can come up with..... the only rules I think is keep it funny, relevant and no pornos.... I am only warning some llamas.... you know who you are. It can be as long or short as you desire! Have fun!

 

"Moose bites can be nasty."

 

That's good Mack. Can you elaborate and make it relevant to the hobby???

 

Bismark: [in Tortuga signing sailors up] And what makes you think you're worthy to crew the Axis?
Tirpitz: Truth be told, I've never sailed a day in me life. I think I should get out and see the world while I'm still young.
Bismark: You'll do, make your mark. Next!
Yamato: My wife ran off with my dog and I'm drunk for a month and I don't give a ass rat's if I live or die.
Bismark: Perfect, next

 

Excellent Paul.... a little close to being smack.... especially to me.... keep it up poindexer!!!!

 

It may seem like smack but if you look at the history of the ships then it makes sense. The tipitz stayed in a Fjord. And the Yamato went out on a one way suicide mission. I just found the right captain sparrow quote to have it smackish.

 

Capt. Bismarck jump to ludicris speed.

 

I think he would prefer Dark Bismark.

 

I like how i caused Carl to say the quote that started it all. That makes me feel better. This is getting too funny, what ever will we do?

 

Well done Sir WIll. You have been promoted! Darth Bismarck you say? Has a lovely overtone... no?

 

Uh, no, i am SIR WILLIAM THE THIRD according to my friends who think im British(as a joke, but oddly, my first ship might be a British battlecruiser, the hms lion). And yes, thank you.

 

Well, I know just who to send to deal with British battlecruisers. He'll make you live up to your name, Boomerboy. Any thoughts as to his full name and why he's famous?

He sailed a battle cruiser
He wore an Iron Cross
His job to offer battle
To England near and far

He sank I-boat and he sank QM
He turned dark night into day
He made his battle cruiser
A torch to light the way

When Allies ruled the seas
And fear filled Berlin
A cry went up for a man with guts
To take the fleet in hand

They needed a man who was brave and true
With sinking them all as his aim
Then out of the sun came a man with a plan
And Franz was his name
Yes Franz was his name

He sailed a battle cruiser
He wore a Iron Cross
His job to offer battle
To England near and far

He sank I-boat and he sank QM
He turned dark night into day
He made his battle cruiser
A torch to light the way

 

been sniffing glue again have we???????????????????

 

I'd say that is a big yes! I mean come on... CA stinks man!

As far as the poem Gascan.... I haven't the foggiest

 

Gascan: Well, so much for your Harbor Anthrax scene...
Kotori87: Why?
Gascan: You were in great peril.
Kotori87: I don't think I was.
Gascan: You were, Sir Kotori87, You were in terrible peril.
Kotori87: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril?
Gascan: It's too perilous.
Kotori87: Look, it's my duty as a captain to try and sample as much peril as I can.
Gascan: No, no, we must find the Golden BB.

 

No idea Craig? I even say his name in the lyrics. Here's a hint: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-HRbsejTyw

 

Oh deer gawd. What ave eye started!!!!