Severe Engine Room Casualty

The following is the entirety of a message received from a junior electrician learning his duties and responsibilities to respond to casualties and abnormalities while standing watch on a modern naval vessel. Some of our board members may be familiar with his plight.
One of my most important jobs as a watchstander in the engine room is to provide other watchstanders with coffee. Not just any coffee, or any dark-colored liquid with caffeine in it. No, it has to be the finest coffee humanly possible, and I have learned many tricks to ensure its quality. Sometimes, though, despite all my efforts, disaster strikes. The grounds run out. The pot boils dry. Or, horror of horrors, the coffee machine itself fails. It is at times like these that we refer to Casualty Procedure 666: Loss of Engine Room Coffee.

Indications:
1) Low coffee warning light in
2) Loss of both vital busses
3) Low coffee levels in both coffee pots
4) No coffee grounds left in the supply locker
5) open warfare over remaining coffee supplies
6) reversion to stone-age society and barter economy
7) The end of the world as we know it

Immediate Actions:
1) DO NOT announce the casualty. The less they know, the more time you have to respond.
2) Combine all remaining liquid coffee into a single pot. Refill the cup of the watchstander most likely to run out. Inform him you brewed it extra specially for him.
3) start brewing a pot of hot water, without any grounds. Watchstanders cannot tell the difference between water and coffee from a distance.
4) announce "touring forward".
5) obtain coffee grounds by ANY means necessary.
6) commence brewing coffee.
7) Once coffee is done brewing, resume normal operations.
Supplementary actions:
1) if loss of engine room coffee was due to failure of the coffee machine, shut and lock the engine room door, then hide in your rack. There is no recovering from a broken coffee machine.

In other news, I saw a fish through the window. It was pretty. I also saw a bird. There is very little happening out here right now. What is going on out in the world right now?

 

So, have you chosen a name yet? I was thinking Inedible would be good. Or maybe Incorrigible. Indecisive might also work well. Infamous, Illegible, Insolent, Inscrutable, Inconspicuous, Impertinent, Insignificant, Indistinct, Impudent? Perhaps Importunate or Imperative? I need to find the list somewhere on my brothers computer...

 

This reminds me of an incident that occurred to me right after Navy boot camp. I was on a three week hiatus waiting for my A school to start and for a duty, I was assigned to the schools Master Chief as an office assistant (basically a secretary). It was explained to me that one of my duties was to make the coffee every morning before the Chief came in. I’m not a coffee drinker and had never brewed a pot in my life up to that point. I was a little apprehensive not only due to my lack of coffee making skills, but also because this Chief was the embodiment of what a Master Chief should look like, a bulldog face, flat top haircut, a little paunchy but with nothing but muscle behind it, 6’ 3”, and stripes from his shoulder to wrist. Needless to say, this guy was a little intimidating to a 18 year old boot. The first morning of my coffee making adventure started with me staring at that Mr. Coffee machine wondering what the hell to do. I spied the well worn instruction book which luckily was right next to the machine. Following the text to the letter, I precisely poured the stated amount of water, placed the filter as shown, and measured the exact amount of coffee, and then pushed the button and hoped for the best. A bit later, I’m sitting at my desk when the Chief comes in, first thing he does is shoot straight for the closet where the coffee is. I can’t see him at this point and I’m waiting on pins and needles. All the sudden I hear a “TYNG” at an elevated volume and I’m about to shit my paints, and a few seconds later “THIS IS THE BEST DAMNED CUP OF COFFEE I'VE EVER HAD”!
To this day, it brings a smile to my face when I think of it.

 

You found it! The perfect source for names of the incoming reinforcements. I can use it for when I finish my I-boat.

 

Ah, Aux Electrician Aft....aka "Javaman". Loved that watch. You'd be wandering around the depths of the engineroom during the midwatch, and suddenly the 2MC (engine room PA) would come on with the Engineering Officer of the Watch: "JAVAMAN! Report to Manuevering!".
We had a coffeepot installed directly in front of #1 Main Engine Turbine. I'd start a pot brewing, go and do my rounds. 10 minutes later when I return, it had brewed up a full pot, then (because of the nuclear-level thermstat setting and the heat coming of the turbine) boiled down to about 1/2 a pot. Add the little "oil slick" of machine oil floating on top, and you have ENGINE ROOM BLEND, guaranteed to keep you on your feet three days after you died.
EM1(SS) (Retired)

 

From the list: HMS Immersible. Isn't that all British warships?
If I ever build a Brit, I'd have to go with either Improbable, or (homage to Princess Bride) Inconceivable. Though "HMS Indefecatable (ships motto "Don't Sh*t on Me") could be good.

 

I think you need to go with Jackie, as in Fisher. Works for both boy or girl.