That's because most Allies can barely spell "Damn, I'm sunk again!" let alone any snappy comebacks. In fact, the best Allied comeback I ever heard was " ". J
OUch crossing the line much there PO? Anyways, as is shown by the back to back axis posts, we are either getting to them or they have declared surrender (due to lack of wits I am sure) Therefore I have no choice but to issue this challenge! ALLIED SCUM YOU HAVE UNTIL SUNDAY TO GIVE AN APPROPRIATE AMOUNT OF SMACK BACK. IF THERE ISN'T SOMETHING TO RESPOND TO I WILL DECLARE VICTORY OF THE SMACK THREAD FOR THE GREAT AND POWERFUL AXIS NATIONS AND YOU SCUM WILL HAVE LOST ANOTHER BATTLE TO ADD TO YOUR MANY DEFEATS. SO I WELCOME ONE AND ALL OF YOU "SCARED IN YOUR BRITCHES" ALLIES TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD. SHOW YOU HAVE SOME FIGHT LEFT. There PO.... they can't fight their way out of a paper bag... but if that ain't a sign to bring it on I don't know what is... i mean i am sitting on some good stuff here and don't wanna waste it on the usual nothings they send our way!
Allied, Axis, French -- I love them all. The more carnage you do to each other the more business for us. Let's see some more actions and vendettas here so Strike and BC stay in business helping fix you up!
I smack the Allies across the bow, my last one for a while. I am going West for an exercise and be back in a little over a week. I hope to find internet where I am going, but there was none the last time I was there. J
The Glorious Allied fleet is still here, still afloat, still armed and still ready to put any axis "war"ships on the bottom without delay and with extreme predjudice. Bwahahahaha! Bring it on, all you axis vermin, we'll shred your balsa, ding your barrels, demolish your decks, mangle your rudders, pulverise your props and crush your captains. The mighty allies will never allow the axis to prevail, we will smash the axis, time and again, till you learn the lessons history has to teach - that the axis can only do one thing right: lose. S M A A A A C C C K K K ! (the sound of axis balsa disintegrating under the cannon fire of the Allied fleet).
I do know that you Allied tards scrape the hell out of the bottom of our mighty Axis ships (as you go to the bottom) but don't recallany of that other stuff. (I am still embarassed for you) J
Tim: Behold the cove of Caer Bannog. King Bismarck: Right. Keep me covered. Sir Gneisenau: What with? King Bismarck: Just keep me covered. Tim: Too late! King Bismarck: What? Tim: There it is! King Bismarck: Where? Tim: There! King Bismarck: What? Behind the transport? Tim: It *is* the transport! King Bismarck: You silly sod! Tim: What? King Bismarck: You got us all worked up! Tim: Well, that's no ordinary transport. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered merchant you ever set eyes on! Sir Strasbourg: You tit! I sprang a leak I was so scared! Tim: Look, that transport's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer! Sir Gneisenau: Get stuffed! Tim: He'll do you up a treat, mate. Sir Gneisenau: Oh, yeah? Sir Strasbourg: You manky Scottish git! Tim: I'm warning you! Sir Strasbourg: What's he do? Push you around? Tim: He's got hidden torpedoes... er... He can turn about. Look at the bubbles! King Bismarck: Go on, Bretagne. sink him silly! Sir Bretagne: Right! Silly little bleeder. One transport trophy comin' right up! Tim: Look! *cry of pain* King Bismarck: Jesus Christ! Tim: I warned you. Sir Strasbourg: I’ve done it again. Tim: I warned you. But did you listen to me, oh no, you know it all didn’t you. It’s just a harmless little transport, isn’t it. Well it’s always the same. I always… King Bismarck: Oh, shut up. Right, Full Speed Ahead! *sounds of carnage and destruction* King Bismarck: Run away! Run away! (repeating Run Away!) King Bismarck: Right, how many did we lose? Sir Lancelot: Yamato. Sir Gneisenau: Fuso. King Bismarck: And Bretagne. That’s five. Gneisenau: Three, sir. King Bismarck: Three. Well, we’d better not risk another frontal assault. That transport’s a Q-ship. Rookies: A Q-ship! Sink it! Sink it! Sir Scharnhorst: There are ways of telling whether it is a Q-ship. Rookie 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us. Sir Scharnhorst: Tell me. What do you do with Q-ships? Rookie 1: sink them. Sir Scharnhorst: And what do you sink, apart from Q-ships? Rookie 1: More Q-ships. Rookie 2: British Battlecruisers. Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do British battlecruisers sink? Rookie 3: ...because they're... Allied? Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether it is Allied? Rookie 1: Build a bridge out of it. Sir Scharnhorst: But can you not also build bridges out of stone? Rookie 1: Oh yeah. Sir Bedevere: Do British battlecruisers sink in water? Rookie 2: YES! Rookie 1: No, no, they float!... Then explode... Then SINK! Throw it into the pond! Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water? Rookie 1: BBs. Rookie 2: Apples. Rookie 3: Very small rocks. Rookie 1: CO2. Rookie 2: Grease. Rookie 3: Screwdrivers. Rookie 1: Mud. Rookie 2: Weeds. Rookie 3: Lead! Lead! King Bismarck: A Duck. Sir Scharnhorst: ...Exactly. So, logically... Rookie 1: If it weighed the same as a duck... it's Allied. Sir Scharnhorst: And therefore... Rookie 2: ...A Q-ship! SINK IT! King Bismarck: But how do we sink it? Sir Strasbourg: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more? King Bismarck: Oh, shut up and go and change your armor. Sir Gneisenau: Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake. King Bismarck: Like what? Sir Gneisenau: Well... ooh. Sir Lancelot: Have we got bows? King Bismarck: No. Sir Lancelot: We have the Quad Cannon of holiness. King Bismarck: Yes, of course! The Quad Cannon of holiness! 'Tis one of the sacred relics Brother Dunkerque carries with him! Brother Dunkerque! Bring up the The Quad Cannon of holeyness! MONKS: *chanting* King Bismarck: How does it... um... how does it work? Sir Yamato: I know not, my liege. King Bismarck: Consult the Book of Model Warship Combat! Brother Dunkerque: International Book of Model Warship Combat, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one. Musashi: [reading] And Saint John raised the cannon up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy bb cannon, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and balsa wood... Brother Dunkerque: Skip a bit, Brother... Musashi: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou load the magazines. Then shalt count out six, no more, no less. Six shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be six. Eight shalt thou not count, neither count thou four, excepting that thou then proceed to six. Thirty is right out. Once the number six, being the sixth number, be reached, expel your magazines towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. Brother Dunkerque: Amen. All: Amen. King Bismarck: Right. One... two... eight. Graf Spee: Six, sir. King Bismarck: Six. *BANG*
I have hears that story before...but I am sure the actual 'stars' of this story were BRITISH and therefore Allied!!!!! Amazing how the Allies take their own sad, rediculas and embarrassing history and try to make unsuspecting, innocent Axis boats believe it to be Axis. J
I just thought It was a typical axis battle report: Sighted enemy transport, moved to engage. Lost Yamato, Fuso and Bretagne. Soiled trousers. Withdrew to consider tactics. Milled about aimlessly for a while. Sent Musashi, Bismarck, Dunkerque and Graf Spee to attack transport. Transport sunk, but have expended heaviest ordinance available to do so. Proceeding onwards keeping lookout for any more dangerous allied merchants. Bwahahahaha, You silly axis! Your ships are garbage scows and your captains smell of bilgewater! Now run away or I will taunt you some more, you silly onions sellers bottoms. I fire my cannon in your general direction.
Wow. Good one, Darren. I can barely breathe, I'm laughing so hard. Still, I never wanted to be an Allied skipper. I wanted to be... a LUMBERJACK! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQOMxz-O7Sc
And lets all keep in mind that the 'Lumberjacks' are British AKA Allied!! Know what I mean, know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean!! J
I see the Allies have come back with their typical reply...nothing. Nothing on their tongues and nothing in their guns!! J
Ahh the french finally pipe in.... well well this is too easy. Which side are you on anyway, once that is figured out I shall taunt you again.
Ah yes, the famous French battle tactic: Wait till your allies defeat your enemies, then strut around saying how you won. Vive la France and all that stuff...... Just remember Winston Churchill's quote regarding the french...."of all the crosses I have had to bear in this war, the heaviest has been the Cross of Lorraine"
