Traitors, like a certain alternate personality trying to take over... I don't know what that you're talking about. I'm your true self coming to the surface. Lies!
Nikki, Just use the LST as the float for the Andrea Doria, not that that good Axis boat needs a float, but at least you will get to use the LST. Gascan, be good...both of you! J
Guys, Once Doria done, As much as I'm going to hate myself, I'm using for her a target! I know, I'm Evil Nikki
Nikki, don't worry overmuch about shooting at it. They were made to sink, not sail around looking pretty like the Allied ships. Wait ... who did I just insult with that ...
Good one Mike, but you definitely insulted the Allies, definitely. As you well know, only a totally goofy, mentally unstable, emotionally crippled, intellectually handicapped, socially inept dunderhead would insult the Axis. J
You are absolutely correct, Jay, it's pointless to insult the Axis. It's far more humane to simply sink the ugly things. Fortunately, this is quite easy, since axis ships, as Mikey stated, have a predisposition toward spontaneous submersion. This then allows the much more aesthetically advantaged Allied ships a clear sea upon which to sail, in regal splendour.
It's true that Allied ships look better on the outside. Every single one I've seen is lovingly detailed and carefully painted for maximum aesthetic effect. If only they'd pay that much attention to the maintenance and reliability of their ships, they might stand a chance... Axis ships scuttle themselves because its the only way to fully test their waterproofing and recovery systems. Allied ships never scuttle themselves because they don't survive long enough to get the chance
Carl, You know it's funny, I never realised until now, each time Scharnhorst sank, it was always at a point of my choosing, usually when I was testing my pump. The Allies were never a part of it, they were too busy sailing in pretty circles and trying to look like Peacocks, all squawk and no walk! J
My HMS Rodney squawks quite loudly, as many axis warships and merchants can attest. She's never been sunk by an axis ship while I've owned her, but has laid the 9x1/4" smack on many. Walking is for axis captains, the walk of shame as they convey their battered pigboats to drydock having been demolished by superior Allied firepower.
The Rodney's doing fine, still as reliable as ever. Needs a major superstructure refit, happening soon. Those pesky axis ships just can't seem to understand that shooting the bridge won't stop her blasting holes through their hulls. Teamed with my brother's USS North Carolina, she loves chewing up axis balsa.
Darren, I will have to come down and visit you some time, so I can face off against someone who can use a Rodney well. There's a Rodney here in the WWCC, but he isn't a very good shot. Last time I matched my 3x 7/32" front guns against his 9x 1/4" front guns, I put 3x more holes in him than he in me. And that was on a simple straight line course with two 25-knot boats. No wonder the Allies keep losing to the Axis so easily here in the US. All their skilled skippers are down in Australia!
Well, there's his problem right there. He sails like he's Axis. Keep in line, spray and pray. This is what I have learnt from sailing my mighty Allied warwagon. Don't play to your enemy's strengths! Exploit his weaknesses. Dictate the rythm of the fight, if he can fire faster than you, don't let him have the opportunity to get a clear shot. He's faster than you? Make him slow down to your speed, he won't turn so good then. Don't maintain a constant speed. Most skippers know how their ships perform at full speed, but do they know how it will handle at lower speeds? Make sure you do. Keep moving port/starboard, firing as you get your opponent in your killzone, then turning back to spoil their aim. Speed up. Slow down. NEVER sail a Nelson-class in a straight line! By angling your guns slightly ahead or astern, you can concentrate your 9-gun punch into a smaller area, and sometimes blow out a whole panel in one salvo. Goodbye axis pigboat, now for your merchants.
Achtung you axis swienen! Attenzione! Alerte! Arato! Where are your verdammt kreiggschiffe kapitanen hiding now? Have they seen the very basics of the glorious Allied battle tactics and run home crying to thier bierhallen? Have you taken to hiding in your French ports terrified to sortie? Where, oh where, has the mighty Italian navy gone? (the only navy in the world that uses rear-view mirrors to spot the enemy)! In the cellar with a bottle of vino and some smelly cheese, quivering in fear? And let us not forget the strength and fighting abilities of the vaunted Imperial Junkanese Navy, have they too run from the Allied smack onslaught? Come on, have at you! Cry havoc! And let slip the dogs of Smack! Right. Well, that should just about do it, I think. Lets see if they come out and play, shall we?
It seems the Allies are raising their security levels in preparation for the upcoming and inevitable "Arse Kicking" they are going to get from the Mighty Axis fleet. The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent Axis threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. The Axis Forces have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the English issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.The Scots raised their level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get The Bastards". They don't have any other levels which is why they have been used on the front line of the British Army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its security alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two levels higher in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire the destroyed France's only white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capacity. It is not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides". The Belgians, on the other hand, are on holiday as usual. The Spanish are all excited to their new ships getting ready to deploy. These beautifully designed ships have glass bottoms the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. The Americans meanwhile have shifted up from “Eating a Big Mac and Fries” to “Better Get Off The Couch”. They could be well on the way to “Suspiciously Watching Everyone Watch Them” or even “Invade Someone, Quick!” New Zealand also raised its security levels – from “baaaaa” to “BAAAAA!” due to continuing defence cutbacks. The airforce has been reduced to teenagers with paper planes and the navy to toy boats in the Prime Ministers tub. There is one more level of escalation, which is “Crap, I Hope Australia Will Come and Rescue Us’. Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No Worries” to “She’ll Be Right, Mate”. Two more levels remain, “Crikey!, I Think We Need To Cancel the Barbie This Weekend” and “The Barbie Is Cancelled”. To date, no situation has ever warranted the final escalation level. The Canadians are holding a public enquiry on the matter, have hired federal teams of grief counsellors and are controlling the situation through pieces of carefully-worded legislation which are currently on hold as the House is not sitting. They don’t want to raise their security level because they don’t want to potentially hurt anyone’s feelings. At least the Allies are finally taking steps to protect their collective butts, which is good since they can't fight their way out of their home ports! J
Yer darn tootin they are you Allied herntode!! Pretty good Allied accent, if I do say so myself. And I do. J
